The end of your addiction is a loss.
Yes, you read that right. Recovering from addiction can be a cause of grief.
If you’re surprised, you’re not alone.
When I talk with clients about the dozens of events in life that can be a cause of loss, they usually nod along as I go down the list, finally feeling validated and seen.
Death – nod.
Divorce – nod.
Career changes: retirement, getting laid off or fired, even getting a promotion sometimes – nod.
Pretty much anything to do with your kids: birth, adoption, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, other causes of death, physical or mental health issues, your child being LGBTQIA+, empty nest, etc. – nod
Death of a pet – nod, nod, nod. (Finally, someone acknowledges the end of this relationship as a major loss.)
Moving, especially as a child – nod
End of addictions – eyebrows raise.
We make eye contact and I smile. And nod. Then explain.
Your addiction — no matter what the substance — and you had a relationship.
Let’s use alcohol as an example.
You and alcohol were close friends. Alcohol was there for you. Whenever you needed it, it was there (and also, perhaps, when you didn’t).
It wasn’t a healthy relationship. It wasn’t a functional one. But it was a real relationship.
You and alcohol had some good times together! Alcohol made you feel relaxed/happier/looser/insert your experience here.
Alcohol was a huge part of your life.
Perhaps you planned your days and nights around it. It was often on your mind. You spent money on it. You made major changes to your life because of it.
It affected how you were in your other relationships. Or if you even stayed in those relationships. Maybe it brought new people into your life, fellow lovers of that same substance. It may have given you a community in a sense.
But then, you broke up. (Congratulations on that, by the way. It probably wasn’t easy.)
That’s a loss.
It’s real. It’s valid. And it’s something recovered addicts often struggle with, even years after they get sober.
You may feel a variety of emotions around your life in addiction and about the substance you abused. It may be anger or shame. It may be a wistful longing – wishing things could have been different between you, or that you could continue the relationship in some form, even though you know you can’t.
The end of any relationship causes grief. Grief, as defined by the Grief Recovery Institute, is the conflicting feelings that normally and naturally occur when any familiar pattern of behavior changes or ends.
When your grief stays unresolved, it stays painful. You continue to wish things had been different or better in some way.
There’s a way to help you through that unresolved pain: the Grief Recovery Method. It’s a versatile, evidence-based program that guides you through the actions you need to take to heal from pain and loss.
Click here to schedule a free discovery call with me to find out if it’s the right next step for you.